If I could kick the person in the tail that causes me the most problems I could not sit down for a week. - Will Rogers
The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office. - Will Rogers
If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of Congress? - Will Rogers
See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernails? - Will Rogers
Well, all I know is what I read in the papers. - Will Rogers
I don't care how poor and inefficient a little country is; they like to run their own business. I know men that would make my wife a better husband than I am; but, darn it, I'm not going to give her to 'em. - Will Rogers
The best doctor in the world is the veterinarian. He can't ask his patients what is the matter-he's got to just know. - Will Rogers
The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best. - Will Rogers
I was not a child prodigy, because a child prodigy is a child who knows as much when it is a child as it does when it grows up. - Will Rogers
Communism is like prohibition, it's a good idea but it won't work. - Will Rogers
If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing. - Will Rogers
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. - Will Rogers
Nothing you can't spell will ever work. - Will Rogers
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House? - Will Rogers
There ought to be one day - just one - where there is open season on senators. - Will Rogers
I bet you if I had met him [Trotsky] and had a chat with him, I would have found him a very interesting and human fellow, for I never yet met a man that I didn't like. - Will Rogers
If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. - Will Rogers
Lord, the money we do spend on Government and it's not one bit better than the government we got for one-third the money twenty years ago. - Will Rogers
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. - Will Rogers
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. - Will Rogers
There is not a man in the country that can't make a living for himself and family. But he can't make a living for them and his government, too, the way his government is living. What the government has got to do is live as cheap as the people. - Will Rogers
You can't say civilizations don't advance...in every war they kill you in a new way. - Will Rogers
I never met a man that I didn't like. - Will Rogers
You know, everybody's ignorant, just on different subjects. - Will Rogers
Always drink upstream from the herd. - Will Rogers
Never miss a good chance to shut up. - Will Rogers
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. - Will Rogers
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago. - Will Rogers
I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat. - Will Rogers
People love high ideals, but they got to be about 33-percent plausible. - Will Rogers
The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf. - Will Rogers
There is only one thing that can kill the Movies, and that is education. - Will Rogers
Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. - Will Rogers
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. - Will Rogers
Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators. - Will Rogers
Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing -- and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even. - Will Rogers
If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. - Will Rogers
An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. - Will Rogers
Even if you are on the right track, but just sit there, you will still get run over. - Will Rogers
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers
Spinnin' a rope is fun if your neck ain't in it. - Will Rogers
I have always noticed that people will never laugh at anything that is not based on truth. - Will Rogers
Everybody is ignorant, Just on different subjects. - Will Rogers
Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious. - Will Rogers
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip. - Will Rogers
If studidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out? - Will Rogers
For the American people are a very generous people and will forgive almost any weakness, with the possible exception of stupidity. - Will Rogers
There is nothing as stupid as an educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in. - Will Rogers
You can't say civilization don't advance...in every war they kill you a new way. - Will Rogers
The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them. - Will Rogers
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they do today. - Will Rogers
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket. - Will Rogers
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. - Will Rogers
We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by. - Will Rogers
The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself. - Will Rogers
Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. - Will Rogers
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. - Will Rogers
Rumor travels faster, but it don't stay put as long as truth. - Will Rogers
Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth. - Will Rogers
Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is. - Will Rogers
Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people that they don't like. - Will Rogers
If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Will Rogers
The more you read and observe about this Politics thing,you got to admit that each party is worse than the other.The one that's out always looks the best - Will Rogers
Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it. - Will Rogers
Our Constitution protects aliens, drunks, and U.S. senators. - Will Rogers
There ought to be one day-- just one-- when there is open season on senators. - Will Rogers
In order to succeed, you must know what you are doing, like what you are doing, and believe in what you are doing. - Will Rogers
Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like. - Will Rogers
You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects. - Will Rogers
On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does. - Will Rogers
We are all here for a spell; get all the good laughs you can. - Will Rogers
Try to live your life so that you wouldn't be afraid to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. - Will Rogers
If you want to know how a man stands, go among the people who are in his same business. - Will Rogers
There are three kinds of men. The ones that learn by readin’. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves. - Will Rogers
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. - Will Rogers
Government spending? I don't know what it's all about. I don't know any more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he doesn't know much. - Will Rogers
Noah must have taken into the Ark two taxes, one male and one female. And did they multiply bountifully! Next to guinea pigs, taxes must have been the most prolific animals. - Will Rogers
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr. - Will Rogers
An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. - Will Rogers
All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance. - Will Rogers
you can't say civilization dont advance, in every war they kill you in a new way - Will Rogers
You can't say that civilization don't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way. - Will Rogers
Parades should be classed as a nuisance and participants should be subject to a term in prison. - Will Rogers
Ten men in our country could buy the whole world and ten million can't buy enough to eat. - Will Rogers
That's the trouble with a politician's life-somebody is always interrupting it with an election. - Will Rogers
Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week. - Will Rogers
Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip. - Will Rogers
The minute you read something that you can't understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. - Will Rogers
Politics is applesauce. - Will Rogers
Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches. - Will Rogers
On account of us being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does. - Will Rogers
The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How's the President?" - Will Rogers
An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's. - Will Rogers
Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game -- it, and high taxes. - Will Rogers
I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes. I hope they do get 'em lowered enough so people can afford to pay 'em. - Will Rogers
We don't know what we want, but we are ready to bite somebody to get it. - Will Rogers
The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. - Will Rogers
The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?' - Will Rogers
Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game - it, and high taxes. - Will Rogers
I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neigbors to the south. We could never understand why Mexico wasn't just crazy about us; for we have always had their good will, and oil and minerals, at heart. - Will Rogers
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for. - Will Rogers
There's the one thing no nation can ever accuse us of and that is secret diplomacy. Our foreign are an open book, generally a check book. - Will Rogers
There are men running governments who shouldn't be allowed to play with matches. - Will Rogers
The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected. - Will Rogers